I really like the writing style too. The conceit just isn't given enough room to play itself out here, I think. If I rewrote the entire story with this as the expected ending, it would be very obviously different throughout. I still think it's doable, though, and I'm having a lot of fun imagining the kind of female knight-errant who has no family ties of her own but would agree to live with a beast in order to save the merchant's daughter and unborn grandchild. I suspect her plan was only to live with him until such time as she could discover his weakness and defeat him...but by the time she figures this out, things have changed.
In the McKinley version, her name is anglicized to Beauty (which is also the title of the book), and I was thinking in those terms when I wrote this. But McKinley is actually rather brilliant, and her novel begins:
"I was the youngest of three daughters. Our literal-minded mother named us Grace, Hope, and Honour, but few people except perhaps the minister who had baptized all three of us remembered my given name. My father still likes to tell the story of how I acquired my odd nickname: I had come to him for further information when I first discovered that our names meant something besides you-come-here. He succeeded in explaining grace and hope, but he had some difficulty trying to make the concept of honour understandable to a five-year-old. I heard him out, but with an expression of deepening disgust; and when he was finished I said: 'Huh! I'd rather be Beauty.'"
(As the fact that I have quoted this might tell you, I have the book with me at the moment and you're free to borrow if you're interested. Apparently it's the unacknowledged source of some of the imagery that Disney added to their version -- including the library! Although it's cooler in McKinley's.)
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In the McKinley version, her name is anglicized to Beauty (which is also the title of the book), and I was thinking in those terms when I wrote this. But McKinley is actually rather brilliant, and her novel begins:
"I was the youngest of three daughters. Our literal-minded mother named us Grace, Hope, and Honour, but few people except perhaps the minister who had baptized all three of us remembered my given name. My father still likes to tell the story of how I acquired my odd nickname: I had come to him for further information when I first discovered that our names meant something besides you-come-here. He succeeded in explaining grace and hope, but he had some difficulty trying to make the concept of honour understandable to a five-year-old. I heard him out, but with an expression of deepening disgust; and when he was finished I said: 'Huh! I'd rather be Beauty.'"
(As the fact that I have quoted this might tell you, I have the book with me at the moment and you're free to borrow if you're interested. Apparently it's the unacknowledged source of some of the imagery that Disney added to their version -- including the library! Although it's cooler in McKinley's.)