Current Preoccupations

[readingredhead]

Overall, I think this vacation has been good for me. I've needed some rest and I've needed some time to be at home. Frankly, I haven't missed my family so much since I left to go to Berkeley for the first time a year and a half ago. And I didn't realize that I missed them until Mom opened the door when I came home and I ran into her arms. It's been good to be back.

Perhaps the only problem with being back home is that I've got more time to myself than I'm used to -- and when I have time like that, I spend it thinking. And thinking, especially hard thinking, especially about my future, is usually not the greatest idea. But it helps to write about the things that are clattering around my brain, so here they are.

1.       Attending graduate school

a.       feels like the right thing to do

b.      will add six more years of school

                                                               i.      and I don’t know where I want to spend those six years

                                                             ii.      that I will have to pay for if my chosen school can’t pay for me

c.       will give me a education I feel like I have to do something with

                                                               i.      and I don’t need a Ph.D. to write or teach high school

1.       so why am I going to pay for six years of grad school?

2.       Teaching

a.       as a college professor

                                                               i.      is one of the only interesting things you can do with a Ph.D. in English

                                                             ii.      would not be that interesting after a long enough while

                                                            iii.      pays better than high school

b.      in a high school

                                                               i.      does not require a Ph.D.

                                                             ii.      entails hellish amounts of work for abysmal pay

                                                            iii.      seems likely to be strangely rewarding

3.       Nonprofits

a.       are very fun and do fantastic things for the world

b.      will make me absolutely no money

4.       Writing

a.       is what I’ve always wanted to do

b.      will make me absolutely no money

                                                               i.      unless I sell out and become

1.       a “literary” writer

2.       the next Stephenie Meyer

                                                             ii.      unless I’m the one person in a million who’s any good at it

1.       and I can’t believe I’m that person

5.       Love

a.       hurts

                                                               i.      a lot

                                                             ii.      and yet I still want it

b.      can be an inconvenience

                                                               i.      especially if I have a career plan to follow

                                                             ii.      until I figure out how to be independent and dependent simultaneously

c.       had better not let me down

                                                               i.      again

                                                             ii.      because the next time, I’ll take it personal

Comments

[transientrain.livejournal.com]

I like this rambling...

The last stanza would be a good poem.

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I initially started writing this as a way of organizing my thoughts about at least three pages of muddled writing about my thoughts. Then I realized that it was *gasp* working? :)

[wax-wane.livejournal.com]

ummmmmm so everything (well almost) on here is kind of exactly what's on my mind too. grad school, teaching, nonprofits, writing.

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

*sigh* good to know I'm not the only one...

[fallenrose24.livejournal.com]

I'm confused by your 6 years of grad school. Grad school for chemistry is only that long if you go the Ph.D. route...it's only 2 years for an MS. Are you sure it's 6?

Also, I don't know if this helps, but a good friend of my sister's is going to be student teaching in English at MVHS and she's heard from basically all of the English faculty there that having an MA in English discourages high schools from hiring you. There are plenty of BAs they could hire for cheaper, but if you get the job and THEN go get your MA on the side, they have to increase your pay. That would help you pay for grad school as well if you want to go that route after you get your credentials, which is another year of schooling.

The future is a very fickle thing. It's been on my mind a lot lately, too. It's sad that doing what you want to do most and doing something that you can make a living on aren't always the same thing :(

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Most of the top grad schools in English (Berkeley included) don't really have MA programs...they have Ph.D. programs. If you're accepted and decide you don't *want* to stay the full 6 years needed to get your Ph.D., you don't have to...but I feel like if I get into a good grad school for a Ph.D., why not get one?

And thanks for the tip about hiring -- I hadn't really thought about it from that angle before, but it makes a lot of good sense. I know my dad got his MA while he was teaching...

As for your last statement? *grumbles* All I can do is work my ass off and hope that's enough to make my hobbies into careers.

[fallenrose24.livejournal.com]

Interesting...well I'm not sure if this is the same thing you were talking about when you said you don't have to stay the entire 6 year, but I'm intending to go into a Ph.D. program and, if I decide it's not for me, leave after two years with an MS. They are combined programs.

No problem. I was a little surprised by that when I heard it, but it does make a lot of sense. I'm kinda curious if the same thing applies to science teachers. I talked with a former USD student who teaches chemistry at Dana Hills High School and she said in general there is less supply than demand for viable science teachers.

Yeah, I know what you mean...my problem is figuring out what I want to do most and knowing for sure that it's something I'm doing for myself. Keep in mind you still have time to let things fall into place. ;)

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Heh, my dad says I should teach *math* because they're always looking for more qualified math teachers. I tried to explain to him that the best teachers are the ones who don't loathe their subjects with a burning passion, but he didn't quite get it.

And yeah...we do still have some time. Only it seems like a lot less than it really is!