Current Preoccupations

[readingredhead]

Overall, I think this vacation has been good for me. I've needed some rest and I've needed some time to be at home. Frankly, I haven't missed my family so much since I left to go to Berkeley for the first time a year and a half ago. And I didn't realize that I missed them until Mom opened the door when I came home and I ran into her arms. It's been good to be back.

Perhaps the only problem with being back home is that I've got more time to myself than I'm used to -- and when I have time like that, I spend it thinking. And thinking, especially hard thinking, especially about my future, is usually not the greatest idea. But it helps to write about the things that are clattering around my brain, so here they are.

1.       Attending graduate school

a.       feels like the right thing to do

b.      will add six more years of school

                                                               i.      and I don’t know where I want to spend those six years

                                                             ii.      that I will have to pay for if my chosen school can’t pay for me

c.       will give me a education I feel like I have to do something with

                                                               i.      and I don’t need a Ph.D. to write or teach high school

1.       so why am I going to pay for six years of grad school?

2.       Teaching

a.       as a college professor

                                                               i.      is one of the only interesting things you can do with a Ph.D. in English

                                                             ii.      would not be that interesting after a long enough while

                                                            iii.      pays better than high school

b.      in a high school

                                                               i.      does not require a Ph.D.

                                                             ii.      entails hellish amounts of work for abysmal pay

                                                            iii.      seems likely to be strangely rewarding

3.       Nonprofits

a.       are very fun and do fantastic things for the world

b.      will make me absolutely no money

4.       Writing

a.       is what I’ve always wanted to do

b.      will make me absolutely no money

                                                               i.      unless I sell out and become

1.       a “literary” writer

2.       the next Stephenie Meyer

                                                             ii.      unless I’m the one person in a million who’s any good at it

1.       and I can’t believe I’m that person

5.       Love

a.       hurts

                                                               i.      a lot

                                                             ii.      and yet I still want it

b.      can be an inconvenience

                                                               i.      especially if I have a career plan to follow

                                                             ii.      until I figure out how to be independent and dependent simultaneously

c.       had better not let me down

                                                               i.      again

                                                             ii.      because the next time, I’ll take it personal

Comments

[fallenrose24.livejournal.com]

Interesting...well I'm not sure if this is the same thing you were talking about when you said you don't have to stay the entire 6 year, but I'm intending to go into a Ph.D. program and, if I decide it's not for me, leave after two years with an MS. They are combined programs.

No problem. I was a little surprised by that when I heard it, but it does make a lot of sense. I'm kinda curious if the same thing applies to science teachers. I talked with a former USD student who teaches chemistry at Dana Hills High School and she said in general there is less supply than demand for viable science teachers.

Yeah, I know what you mean...my problem is figuring out what I want to do most and knowing for sure that it's something I'm doing for myself. Keep in mind you still have time to let things fall into place. ;)

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Heh, my dad says I should teach *math* because they're always looking for more qualified math teachers. I tried to explain to him that the best teachers are the ones who don't loathe their subjects with a burning passion, but he didn't quite get it.

And yeah...we do still have some time. Only it seems like a lot less than it really is!