Current Preoccupations

[readingredhead]

Overall, I think this vacation has been good for me. I've needed some rest and I've needed some time to be at home. Frankly, I haven't missed my family so much since I left to go to Berkeley for the first time a year and a half ago. And I didn't realize that I missed them until Mom opened the door when I came home and I ran into her arms. It's been good to be back.

Perhaps the only problem with being back home is that I've got more time to myself than I'm used to -- and when I have time like that, I spend it thinking. And thinking, especially hard thinking, especially about my future, is usually not the greatest idea. But it helps to write about the things that are clattering around my brain, so here they are.

1.       Attending graduate school

a.       feels like the right thing to do

b.      will add six more years of school

                                                               i.      and I don’t know where I want to spend those six years

                                                             ii.      that I will have to pay for if my chosen school can’t pay for me

c.       will give me a education I feel like I have to do something with

                                                               i.      and I don’t need a Ph.D. to write or teach high school

1.       so why am I going to pay for six years of grad school?

2.       Teaching

a.       as a college professor

                                                               i.      is one of the only interesting things you can do with a Ph.D. in English

                                                             ii.      would not be that interesting after a long enough while

                                                            iii.      pays better than high school

b.      in a high school

                                                               i.      does not require a Ph.D.

                                                             ii.      entails hellish amounts of work for abysmal pay

                                                            iii.      seems likely to be strangely rewarding

3.       Nonprofits

a.       are very fun and do fantastic things for the world

b.      will make me absolutely no money

4.       Writing

a.       is what I’ve always wanted to do

b.      will make me absolutely no money

                                                               i.      unless I sell out and become

1.       a “literary” writer

2.       the next Stephenie Meyer

                                                             ii.      unless I’m the one person in a million who’s any good at it

1.       and I can’t believe I’m that person

5.       Love

a.       hurts

                                                               i.      a lot

                                                             ii.      and yet I still want it

b.      can be an inconvenience

                                                               i.      especially if I have a career plan to follow

                                                             ii.      until I figure out how to be independent and dependent simultaneously

c.       had better not let me down

                                                               i.      again

                                                             ii.      because the next time, I’ll take it personal

Comments

[transientrain.livejournal.com]

I like this rambling...

The last stanza would be a good poem.

[wax-wane.livejournal.com]

ummmmmm so everything (well almost) on here is kind of exactly what's on my mind too. grad school, teaching, nonprofits, writing.

[fallenrose24.livejournal.com]

I'm confused by your 6 years of grad school. Grad school for chemistry is only that long if you go the Ph.D. route...it's only 2 years for an MS. Are you sure it's 6?

Also, I don't know if this helps, but a good friend of my sister's is going to be student teaching in English at MVHS and she's heard from basically all of the English faculty there that having an MA in English discourages high schools from hiring you. There are plenty of BAs they could hire for cheaper, but if you get the job and THEN go get your MA on the side, they have to increase your pay. That would help you pay for grad school as well if you want to go that route after you get your credentials, which is another year of schooling.

The future is a very fickle thing. It's been on my mind a lot lately, too. It's sad that doing what you want to do most and doing something that you can make a living on aren't always the same thing :(