readingredhead: (Library)
Agh, I hate when school starts to interfere with real life (or really, with the rest of real life, because school is, and will probably forever be, a part of my real life). I really want to go to [ profile] lazyclaire and [ profile] jenepel 's party tonight and see them along with other awesome people, but I told myself all along that if I didn't have a draft of this essay done before the party, I couldn't go. And while I have an outline and a good idea of where I'm headed, I certainly don't have a draft. If I finish eating my lunch now and go close myself in the library until about 10pm, I will almost definitely emerge with a draft. This would be a good (and in all honesty probably necessary) thing. Yes, I could go to the party after, but it would take me an hour to get there, and after that kind of hard work (and in this weather, which, for those of you not in London, is cold and rainy), I'm not going to want to do more than put on pajamas and sleep -- since, after all, I have to wake up and do it all over again...

I am Candace, so I will do  the "right" thing. I will finish my lunch (and this sullen LJ entry) and pack my things and migrate over to the library and write this paper (and maybe if I'm good I'll even let myself take a coffee break). But that doesn't mean I have to like it. Well, I guess this is the price I pay for spending 16 days running around Europe instead of working on school stuff...and in that view, it's not a choice I'd make differently. But it still kinda sucks.
readingredhead: (Default)
You know you're going insane when the conversations you have with yourself don't even make sense.

ME: Why does it get dark so early?
ME: Because you haven't written a to-do list, that's why!

But seriously: it starts getting dark around 3:30pm and the sun has set by 4:30pm. I am sick and sort of have cramps and wish I had a comfy couch on which to do my reading but there are NO COUCHES. Anywhere. Just my bed, but if I read on my bed I will sleep. Also, I have not written a to-do list. Or rather, I did right before Andy showed up, but now I've managed to lose it. Probably this means I won't do anything. Go figure.

Also, there is no water working in my flat so I cannot even make myself tea. Probably I will go to a cafe and try to find an armchair (a poor substitute for a couch) and do some actual reading.

Yeah. Right.

I don't know how this semester has flown by so fast...
readingredhead: (Pants)
If my Representing London walking journal (also known as my mock-mock-Georgic, written entirely in heroic couplets) could contain all of the things that I have discovered while getting pleasantly lost on Wikipedia and related sites, it would have to include:

--Norse mythology, particularly the "World Serpent"
--popular art created in response to the London Underground map
--discussion of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett's book Good Omens
--discussion of Neil Gaiman's book Neverwhere
--G. K. Chesterton
--the ouroborous
--Mornington Crescent
--Circle Line parties
--chocolate-covered almonds from Trader Joe's (I'm eating one right now!)
--the dangers of copyright infringement

And that's before I throw in the French theorists who are actually relevant to what I'm writing about! (Note to self: Try understanding French critical theory next time I have been drinking. Perhaps it will make more sense.)

In the meantime, I still don't have 1000 words done out of the 2000 words that I need, AND I HAVE SPENT ALL DAY ON THIS, with only slight diversions for shopping for (and consuming) foodstuffs, and watching the newest episode of Bones. And writing about this project self-reflexively on this journal.

I just need to get this done now.

ETA: Jormungandr (aforementioned World-Serpent) has been footnoted! Gaiman and Pratchett to follow. :)
readingredhead: (Default)
Well, this marks Year Four of not killing myself during November -- at least, not physically. Metaphysically, this is probably a different story.

I've got 25 pages worth of papers due within the next week, but by 11am a week from today, I am essentially done. My finals for once are all going to be easy: in both my humanities classes that have finals, my profs have promised that the tests will contain no actual long essays and will only take up an hour and a half of the three-hour time slot allocated for finals. In my bio class, I might not even need to take the final since I'm taking the course pass/fail and a 70% is a pass. Currently I think I have a high ninetysomething.

So really -- I need to make it through the week. And if I can do that, it'll all be okay.
readingredhead: (Stars)
Beauty and the Beast (which I'm seeing in less than a week!)
Into the Woods (which I'm seeing in less than a month!)
Jane Eyre (which I would KILL to get tickets for -- seriously!)
Dirty Dancing (which is coming to the Pantages in a year!)
The Last Five Years (which I need to see again!)

Other than that, not much is happening in my life. Except for, you know, "finals" and "studying" and "papers" and "stress." I have a strong desire to spend a night in the library because it's open 24 hours during finals week.

Seriously though. I think I really need to see Jane Eyre the Musical right now. Why is it that my favorite musicals are the really obscure ones?

Head pain.

Jan. 9th, 2008 04:15 pm
readingredhead: (Default)
Is it a bad thing that I don't want to write right now?  Sure, I had a 5k day yesterday, but I'm not gonna have a chance tomorrow for most of the day, so shouldn't I write now?

And I'm so tired.  I'd forgotten what it was like to wake up early.  I got up at 6:30AM because I went with Corinne to school today.  Granted, usually when I wake up that early I've gotten to sleep early enough that I still get a decent sleep.

Last night, I really couldn't fall asleep.  I had this weird pain in my calves, almost like the growing pain sensations you get when you're younger.  And I was always either too hot or too cold.  And to top it all off, my bed here is shorter than my bed in Berkeley, so I'm used to having a larger matress to stretch out on, whereas here my toes are a bit cramped.

So at maybe 10:15PM last night I decided to go to sleep.  I've been falling asleep listening to the audiobook of Jane Eyre, because the voices are soothing.  So I got in bed and turned it on and was listening, but then it got to a boring part and I wasn't feeling tired at all and so I stopped the tape to fall asleep on my own.  That really didn't work.  There was lots of tossing and turning involved -- how much, I don't know, since I make a point of never looking at my watch because if I do it's impossible for me to fall asleep.

So I couldn't fall asleep, and I had maybe sixty pages left in the book I'd been reading.  Maybe a little more than that, actually.  So I decided I'd read until I felt tired and then fall asleep.

Finished the book (and it was a good one) without being tired.  Bully for me.  So I tried the tactic of listening to the audiobook again.  Again, didn't quite go the way I'd planned.  I stopped after five minutes and decided I'd read the next book in the series.  By this time I really didn't think I was going to fall asleep any time soon, so who cares?  So I read fifty or so pages into the next book, up until a point where it got a little boring, and then when I tried to fall asleep it worked.

Today was good because I got to see and talk with a bunch of teachers I'd missed.  But I got a headache around lunch and it's still here.  Sucks unbelievably.

Yeah, with all of this I think it's okay if I don't write, but that just means I'll have to catch up later, and I hate playing catch-up.
readingredhead: (Rain)
I write this to you in some of the last hours of sanity I’ve got left. National Novel Writing Month begins tomorrow, and while the crazy probably won’t set in right away, I’ve not doubt that it will begin to sneak in and by the end of the month I’ll be the usual deranged writer who needs just a few more words to meet my goal. As usual, I’m excited. This is my third year participating, and I’m shooting for 70,000 words. I wrote 50k my first year and 60k last year, so I’m trying to maintain the progression.
The NaNoWriMo internship is going pretty well, although it’s obviously a bit hectic as we go into November.  The work isn’t difficult and the people are really great to be around. In the middle of November they’re putting on a Write-a-Thon where participants who’ve raised enough money get to go and write together for a night. Thanks to everyone who donated money to me, I’ve got myself a spot at the Write-a-Thon and I’m really looking forward to it. It should be a great way to meet some other Bay Area wrimos.
School is actually going really well. I wrote my first short story for my creative writing class as well as my first college papers for English and History. I also finished up with midterms, and while I have a few more essays due, there are no big in-class assessments left until finals in December. I’ve done really well so far, and as far as I know I’ve got A’s in all of my classes…except for tae kwon do, where I would have a B+ if I was taking it for a letter grade instead of as a pass/fail course. I’m only doing it for fun, anyway, so I figure it’s not a problem.
Between school, work, and writing, November’s going to be busy, and probably difficult. But then again, it always has been. And I don’t think I would want it any other way. If you don’t hear from me during November, it’s because I’m busy balancing all of this, but feel free to encourage me periodically—I’m sure I’ll need it.
Thanks to all of you in advance for the support I know you’ll provide during the upcoming month. If you ever want to know how I’m doing with my wordcount, you can find my profile at
I hope life’s going well for the rest of you, and it’s still not too late for you to join me in the insanity this November!
readingredhead: (Talk)
Yesterday was my last real day of high school, and I don't know what to do.

Unlike most people, I've never taken  too well to summers.  I mean, I like them because they give me free time to do things I want to do rather than things I have to do.  But they also make me feel undefined.  I've always defined myself to a large extent by school.  I'm a student, I'm a learner, I'm a pupil.  I go to Del Cerro, I go to La Paz, I go to Mission.  But the transitions from one to another aren't always smooth.  I'm reminded of something from Beverly Cleary's book called Ramona Quimby, Age Eight.  The main character didn't liked it when people asked her what grade she was in during the summer months, because she felt like she couldn't give the right answer.  She wasn't in second grade -- she'd already finished with that -- but she wasn't in third grade -- it was still off in her future.

That feeling of gradelessness, of a lack of definition, is what is starting to set in already, and it's one of the things I don't like.

But back to Friday.  The hardest part was without a doubt the fact that I had to leave my teachers.  I'm not worried about leaving my friends.  I have come to understand over the past few years that friendships that are meant to be will last.  This doesn't mean that they won't require time and effort...but if you want it to happen, then you will put the time and effort into it, and it will.  However, the same can't really be said of the teachers I know.  Sure, I'll come back to visit them, but it will be a return as an outsider.  I will never again be their student in truth, though I will always feel like it in my heart.

And it feels like there are things they could have still taught me, things that I need to learn from them, but that I never will, because now I'm gone.  When I see my favorite teachers again, it will be through a new lens, and I'm not sure I'm ready for that.  And it's not just the teachers I've had this year, like Fukuda, Koger, and Krucli -- the realization is there when I thnk of teachers I've had in past years, like the McClures or Vargish or skinny Moore, who will never again be just a few classrooms away.  In the past I've never really left the teachers I've loved.  Now, I have to.

And part of me knows that I have to, part of me understands that it's a part of my personal journey, part of me knows that there really isn't anything else left for them to teach.  On a basic level, I can comprehend that there is something bigger than Mission Viejo High School calling to me, and that it is a call I will need to answer.  The things I have learned along the way will be used to help me through the road of trials that lies ahead.  I know that by holding on to these teachers, and by feeling that there is still something they have to teach me, I am refusing the call.  I know that this must stop if I am to grow up and become my own person.

But I also know that the journey will change me, and I'm worried that once I cross the return threshold and come back to see them in a few months or a year, everything will have changed and they will no longer mean to me what they once did.  I'm afraid that their significance will diminish with distance, and I desperately don't want that to happen, because they have shaped my life so greatly and I don't know how I could continue to be the person that I am if I forgot them.  

So I won't forget them.  

I won't forget Mr. Koger's crazy stories about the time his friends backpacked through Europe, or his guitar skills, or his flattery, or the way it feels to hug him.  

I won't forget Mr. Krucli's ability to let us teach ourselves and to honestly and openly discuss literature with us as though we were his equals in age and knowledge, nor will I forget his smile or his odd anecdotes or his tendency to form personal relationships with his students.  

I won't forgeth Mr. Fukuda's "mkays," or the way he always hassled me about my calculator, or the way that he seemed genuinely proud of everything his students managed to do right.  

I won't forget Mr. Vargish's ability to make history come alive, or his trademark sayings, or his genuine affection for me and that one hug I got from him, or the way he teared up at the end of Casablanca.  

I won't forget Mrs. McClure's unwavering support for all of my English efforts, or the way she's been a part of my life since freshman year, or her uncanny ability to draw me into a conversation that will last much longer than it needs to.  

I won't forget Mr. McClure's laughter, or his recitation of poetry, or his impossible style of teaching that nonetheless brought out the best in all of his students and helped them to never fear English again.  

I won't forget Mr. Mark Moore, for his ridiculous school spirit, or for acting like everyone's best great-uncle, or for being genuinely excited about the math that he taught, even if others didn't see it.  

I can't forget them all, because I am them all.  They are as much a part of me as my friends and my family; to borrow a phrase from Julie E. Czerneda, they too are my heart-kin.  Forgetting them?  Why, that would be impossible.
readingredhead: (Burning)
I feel like I have accomplished more so far today than I did during the entire weekend -- and it's only 10:30. I knew I stayed home for a reason. I figured school would be a waste, what with so many people taking the IB math test, and I didn't want to be at school if I didn't have to. So, for once in my life, I followed through with something spontaneous that has led to my personal happiness!

I'm realizing I never updated about my weekend, because I was so busy. Not much to say about Sunday, but Saturday was awesome fun. In the morning, I went shopping with Katie for supplies for our birthday party, and we ended up at Goodwill where I found this awesome dress -- for $10! It's really simple black satin spaghetti strap dress that's form-fitting around the bust and stomach but past the hips, the skirt flares out really wide. So to recap: pretty much in perfect condition, gorgeous, simple but in an elegant way, and only $10. My day was made.

Then we decided to go to lunch at Chipotle because we had coupons. So I'm sitting and eating a wonderful burrito and I get a call from Rick. Turns out his grandmother wasn't feeling well and wouldn't be able to use her tickets to see the matinee showing of The Light in the Piazza at Orange County Performing Arts. So Rick and I went instead. Have I mentioned that these are good tickets? Orchestra, D17&18. To die for. The musical itself was really good -- not like anything I've ever seen before. Not fantastic or to die for, but still worth watching.  Best part was the fact that a large portion of the singing and speaking was in Italian, and I understood most of it! 

Um...yeah. That's about it. Now I'm trying to study, but I figured I'd reward myself for having worked so hard this far. I'll probably get back to chemistry before lunch...I'm making flashcards for the Paper 3 topics, so that on Thursday night when I don't want to review them, I'll have something to force me to.


May. 2nd, 2007 09:50 pm
readingredhead: (Talk)
I have an IB English test tomorrow, IB History and Chemistry next week along with AP Calc, followed by AP Chem and IB Spanish. I have homework due tomorrow in several classes, and a short story to write in 13 days.

So of course, I just spent the last forty-five minutes watching one of the best episodes of X-Files I've ever seen.

Testing can wait.
readingredhead: (Default)
Really don't like homework.

What I have left to do:

--finish homework
--study for test (flashcards)
English/Senior Thesis
--read The Stars Are Ours
--read Brave New World
--read Foundation
--write first eight pages of thesis
--start Hamlet (?)
--start "ten questions" essay
--organize freshmen into jobs
--write HBHS position paper
--write UCSD position paper
--get together short story collection for publication

I hate it that this list never gets any shorter. I'm heading off to Calculus and Chem today -- hopefully to get those done, so that I have a real weekend?

Went to Disneyland yesterday in the morning because I could, then went to lunch with Rick and his family, then Rick came home with me and we watched TV and ate dinner and watched more TV. Altogether did nothing -- and it felt good, but now I'm wishing I'd had a more productive week.


Nov. 30th, 2006 05:10 pm
readingredhead: (Talk)
Way too many things to do. Finished the novel for NaNoWriMo...but when I say "finished," all I really mean is that I've met my goal for the wordcount. It's 60,102 words long, but in terms of plot it's no where near to being done (because a whole lot of the writing is pointless filler that will be deleted in a final version).

Humanities essay test tomorrow. Slightly looking forward to it (I know that sounds insane and I'm going to get things thrown at me [and I deserve it] but I like World War I and I like the way that IB expects us to treat things). Nonetheless, will prepare for it.

Spanish story to read. Don't want to read it -- I hear it's boring. Oh well. I find it funny as I am looking through the book that the editors specifically mention having chosen for their "entertaining nature and plotlines which will make students want to read them." Yeah. Right. Have to do the analysis questions for it, too.

Art sketchbook. I'm two pages behind, but I'll manage -- that's something I can do really quickly if necessary.

Chemistry homework, which I probably won't even touch because I don't want to.

Jane Eyre continues to like me, and I continue to like it (though at the moment the characters are being WAY TOO DUMB).

Calculus homework. Don't think I'll do it, either, though it's probably due tomorrow or soon thereafter.

On an off note, I think I am going to try next year, starting on December 25th, to read 52 books in as many weeks, like Steph J did (is doing still, I suppose). I think it's a really awesome goal. I spend so much time writing and reading that I might as well set a reachable goal for it, and I like the idea of working toward something for a long period of time. Soon I'll make a list of books I need to read which I haven't yet -- suggestions are quite welcome.
readingredhead: (Stranger)
They're starting. Im my stomach, I feel the queasy, not-quite-comfortable murmurs that November begins soon. They weren't there yesterday. Yesterday, I was prepared, ready to take on anything. But today? Well, today's a different story.

For one, I am beginning to realize today how much I have to do this month. Sure, I had more last year, but last year I also had greater motivation. This year I have just enough classes that I need to work hard, but not enough hard classes that the classes themselves provide sufficient motivation. It's gotta come from within, and I feel like I've forgotten how to do that.

Also, I just realized that I have resolutions due by Friday for one of the two MUN conferences I'll be attending during the upcoming month. I obviously won't have time to write them once the month starts, so I'd like to get them done today. However, they are one of many things that I should probably complete today (if I want them to get done at all), and I don't want to write them because only one covers a topic I have discussed before. The other two will require something like actual research -- ew...

And I guess I'm nervous. Last year on the edge of November, I didn't know what I was getting into. This year, I most certainly do, and it's starting to scare me. I keep telling myself that it shouldn't, but it still does.

It's not that I don't want to do NaNoWriMo -- I've been looking forward to it for months! It's just that I'm a little afraid of how it will go for me this year, and there will be no assurances until the month is over.
readingredhead: (Different)
--Humanities skit
--memorize polyatomic ions for AP Chem
--study for AP Chem test
--complete Stanford application
--write Stanford essays
--copy transcript (x3)
--give counselor forms to guidance office (Stanford, Harvard, Princeton)
--ask Dad if midyear school report forms are given to guidance now or later
--write Princeton essays
--write Harvard essays (aka copy & paste appropriate Stanford & Princeton essays)
--apply for scholarships
--apply for financial aid
--ask Dad how to apply for financial aid
--sign up for driver's training

Well, the list is a lot shorter now that I've finished my topic synopsis--at least, it seems a lot shorter, and that's a good thing. I've been working on the synopsis for the majority of the morning, since 9:30 maybe, which means that it took me all of three hours to do. I like the topic of peacekeeping reform--it's only really been an issue for the last ten years, so I didn't have to do insane historical research like you usually have to do for topics like that.

Now I can spend the rest of today working on chemistry, Stanford essays, and getting together Steph B.'s birthday present. Really, that doesn't sound too bad.
readingredhead: (Stranger)
--Chem hw
--Humanities skit
--study for AP Calc
--memorize polyatomic ions for AP Chem
--write topic synopsis for MUN
--complete Stanford application
--write Stanford essays
--copy transcript (x3)
--give Mrs. McClure & Mr. Moore letter of rec forms (Stanford, Harvard, Princeton)
--give counselor forms to guidance office (Stanford, Harvard, Princeton)
--ask Dad if midyear school report forms are given to guidance now or later
--write Princeton essays
--write Harvard essays (aka copy & paste appropriate Stanford & Princeton essays)
--apply for scholarships
--apply for financial aid
--ask Dad how to apply for financial aid
--sign up for driver's training

Well, it's a little smaller now...and some of the things that remain have been sort of worked on since the last posting. Unfortunately, this is really all that I have time to say, since I'm now going to work on the letters of rec packets I'm giving Mr. Moore & Mrs. McClure tomorrow.


Sep. 13th, 2006 07:29 pm
readingredhead: (Default)
I sat down 45 minutes ago to do my Spanish homework. As you can possibly tell, it's not gotten done. Ah, the problems of having a laptop that I can quickly turn on & off, as opposed to my PC's slower boot-up time.

So to make this entry useful, an extensive to-do list.

--Spanish homework (historia questions)
--sketchbook pages for Art
--Chem hw
--Humanities skit
--study for AP Calc
--memorize polyatomic ions for AP Chem
--write topic synopsis for MUN
--fill out & return computer rebate forms
--complete Stanford application
--write Stanford essays
--copy transcript (x3)
--mail Matt letter of rec forms (Stanford)
--give Mrs. McClure & Mr. Moore letter of rec forms (Stanford, Harvard, Princeton)
--give counselor forms to guidance office (Stanford, Harvard, Princeton)
--ask Dad if midyear school report forms are given to guidance now or later
--write Princeton essays
--write Harvard essays (aka copy & paste appropriate Stanford & Princeton essays)
--apply for scholarships
--apply for financial aid
--ask Dad how to apply for financial aid
--sign up for driver's training

The list scares me. I'm done now.
readingredhead: (Mother)
School starts tomorrow, and I am neither ready or un-ready. The biggest problem on my mind right now is a toss up between what I'm going to wear and what I'm going to be reading. I have partial answers to both of those questions, but I still don't know. And what I pull out to read when I have free time is just as good an indicator of who I am as what I wear for the first day of school is, in case you were wondering. In all honestly, it's probably a better indicator.

Life's normal, I guess, but I'll live with it. See y'all at school tomorrow...
readingredhead: (Milo)
So I've done this before--the update in a minute thing--and I actually sort of like it becaue it forces me to get stuff out quickly.

I went to Disneyland yesterday and my sister's friend had Aladdin sign her pants, which was pretty cool. I had a good time.

MUN is not FUN at the moment, but it's getting to be resolved and I had a nice long talk with Tony that made me feel really good.

School starts in less than a week and I'm having nightmares about it but they're not too bad.
readingredhead: (Stranger)
Grrrrrr...summer is slowly winding down. Before I forget, a list of things I have to do before school starts:

--Spanish Homework
--driver's training/learning how to drive
--work more on Stanford application
--fill out more scholarship forms
--get MUN issues ironed out

Yeah...all of that is really bugging me, because I don't want to do anything and yet it's all slowly catching up with me. I really need to do that Spanish homework. Has anyone started yet? *hopes she's not the only one behind*

But, in better news, my new laptop arrived today! In fact, I'm typing this on it, while sitting on my couch. I'd always been planning on getting a laptop before I went off to college, and it just seemed like one would be useful this I used some of my "college money" (not really, it's complicated) and bought one. It's an HP dv1000t, if that means anything to anyone. Smaller, lightweight, with a couple cool add-ons like a built-in webcam and a DVD burner. Muahahaha.

So, what have I been doing with my summer? Well, I'm not completely sure. Hanging out with Rick a lot, which has been wonderful. Yesterday I tie-dyed shirts, and I think they turned out rather well -- at least, mine did. (Luke, I'll post a picture later if I find time.) Corinne doesn't like hers as much, but I think they're okay.

I've been helping out at my church nursery every Sunday for community service hours. Been doing that for the past three weeks, and it's kinda nice.

Um...not much to say. There's some MUN drama going on (when isn't there?) but I'm working toward a solution. I hope that it all ends well...

I think I'm a little stressed in the "the end of summer is near" sort of way. I'm just really out of it, I feel kinda I the only one?

I dunno. I'm gonna stop with the rambling and go do something productive for a change.
readingredhead: (Stranger)

1 - Spanish 4
2 - Art Fundamentals
3 - AP Chem with Mr. Fukuda
4 - Humanities
5 - Humanities
6 - AP Calc BC
7 - MUN

Really not too bad; I can live with it. And my sister might end up in my art class, which is really cool.

I haven't been doing much that's actually productive, though I have started thinking through college applications. I realized I'm only sending out four -- one for Stanford (early action), one for the UCs (I'm applying to 3 of them but I only need the one app), one for Princeton, and one for Harvard.

And the last two are mostly for fun! Though if by some freak occurrence I didn't get into Stanford yet got into one of those, I'd go check it out at least. I'd definitely consider Princeton if I didn't get into Stanford or Berkeley. Granted, it seems unlikely that I'd get *in* to Princeton if I didn't make it to Stanford or Berkeley.

More or less, I'm applying to Harvard for fun -- because I can. As far as how much I'd like to go there, my college list looks like this, from most amazing to least amazing.

1. Stanford
2. UC Berkeley
3. Princeton
5. Harvard
6. UCI (or whatever other UC I decide to apply to as a safety)

On a completely unrelated note, I've been knitting a lot lately.

And before I get completely sidetracked in a rambly sort of way, I think I'm gonna stop and watch some Prison Break on DVD.


readingredhead: (Default)

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