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UCLA, here we come!
Nov. 11th, 2005 09:50 amWell, this is it -- in an hour and a half I'll be on a bus bound for the UCLA MUN conference.
Most of my life has been just plain hectic for the last week; if I remembered specific details I'd relate them here, but as it is I don't think I remember much more than a long blur of school, homework caffeine, and slight exhilaration coupled with foreboding.
I think Claire and I are really prepared for this conference, so that's not worrying me.
But the other night I had this horrible dream. It was about my novel for nano. I was writing and writing and writing, but I kept being distracted as people came up to me and scoffed at what I was doing. "You can't, you won't, there's no way," these voices kept saying. Then I looked up at the calendar and saw that it was November 30th -- "judgment day" for this particular contest. To my horror, I looked at my computer screen, and saw that I had 15,000 words -- less than a third of the required number to "win" the contest.
Now, I woke up and told myself I'd be okay, that I could really get through this. I believed it, for a few days. But now...I'm not sure. Yesterday was the first day this month when I didn't reach my daily quota. Now I'm behind for today. And this whole weekend will be spent MUNing -- that doesn't leave me too much time in which to write a novel. I'll try -- I'll stay up late, I'll write if committee gets boring -- but it will be difficult.
And I don't like things that are difficult when they shouldn't be. Writing is supposed to be my thing -- it's supposed to be easy. I'm supposed to be able to just sit down and write and the words will flow and never feel awkward. And maybe they do. But sometimes they don't and that's hard on me. I imagine it would be like what Einstein would feel if he came across a math problem he just couldn't solve. That's me with not being able to do English-related stuff.
And now I'm really complaining for no apparent reason, so I'll shut up. Hope you guys all have great weekends!
Most of my life has been just plain hectic for the last week; if I remembered specific details I'd relate them here, but as it is I don't think I remember much more than a long blur of school, homework caffeine, and slight exhilaration coupled with foreboding.
I think Claire and I are really prepared for this conference, so that's not worrying me.
But the other night I had this horrible dream. It was about my novel for nano. I was writing and writing and writing, but I kept being distracted as people came up to me and scoffed at what I was doing. "You can't, you won't, there's no way," these voices kept saying. Then I looked up at the calendar and saw that it was November 30th -- "judgment day" for this particular contest. To my horror, I looked at my computer screen, and saw that I had 15,000 words -- less than a third of the required number to "win" the contest.
Now, I woke up and told myself I'd be okay, that I could really get through this. I believed it, for a few days. But now...I'm not sure. Yesterday was the first day this month when I didn't reach my daily quota. Now I'm behind for today. And this whole weekend will be spent MUNing -- that doesn't leave me too much time in which to write a novel. I'll try -- I'll stay up late, I'll write if committee gets boring -- but it will be difficult.
And I don't like things that are difficult when they shouldn't be. Writing is supposed to be my thing -- it's supposed to be easy. I'm supposed to be able to just sit down and write and the words will flow and never feel awkward. And maybe they do. But sometimes they don't and that's hard on me. I imagine it would be like what Einstein would feel if he came across a math problem he just couldn't solve. That's me with not being able to do English-related stuff.
And now I'm really complaining for no apparent reason, so I'll shut up. Hope you guys all have great weekends!
