When is it okay not to try any more?

[readingredhead]

I see no point to Calculus.  Unfortunately, I'll be taking an AP test in the subject on this Wednesday, so this begins to pose a problem.

In the past, whether or not I liked math (generally "not"), I've been able to do it.  Even last year, in AB Calc, wasn't so bad -- yes, it was the exam for which I studied the hardest, but I got the score that I promised myself I would.  Now?  Now, I don't have the same motivation.  I don't need to get into college -- I'm already in! -- and as a prospective English/history major, the score I get on the BC Calc exam doesn't matter to waive prerequisites.  I have no reason to do well on this test, other than the fact that I paid $82 for it.  I know that I'll pass (at least, I hope that I'll pass), but I wouldn't be surprised if the score's a 3.  My AB subscore will probably be lower than last year's score, as well -- because I have forgotten things as simple as the quotient rule (is it uv' - vu' in the numerator or the other way around?), and my basic math skills have never been too hot.

But the problem is, I still care.  I can't let myself sit down Wednesday morning and pull a low score.  I hate the lack of confidence going into a test, espcially when I know I could do better.

During the beginning of last week, I had a new-found drive to actually study, caused by the realization that I could simply work toward good scores on my IB exams and be noteworthy that way, without having to worry about AP.  That meant I'd only have to study history and chemistry, and Spanish but not till later.  But now, with the calc exam coming up...I don't know what to do.

Probably, I won't study for calculus.  Or maybe I'll stay home Tuesday doing nothing but studying.  Who knows...

I'm just waiting for testing to be over so that the rest of my life can finally start...

Comments

[pentaverse.livejournal.com]

It was always OK not to try but you wanted more. I have never studied for the Calculus and only did the homeworks when they counted (also my memory of last year's class is fuzzy). The key to doing well is not trying hard: it's knowing how you get someplace. You can derive the quotient rule from the product rule or integration by parts (or, as I call it, integration by party) from the product rule or the 2nd fundamental theorem from the chain rule... Know the most basic thing and you know everything; facts are meaningless.

Good luck.

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Thanks for helping me put this in perspective. It's true -- I want more -- but I also don't want to try, and I can't have both. I think I'll be okay with not trying, for possibly the first time in my life. It's a relieving feeling.