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[readingredhead]

So I have to write another exercise for Creative Writing, to be posted by today.  I don't like this one as much as I like last week's.  I think the problem is that these ideas always come to me as part of whatever story I'm currently obsessing over.  At the moment, that's my planned NaNo-novel, the beauty and the beast retelling.  So Noelle makes an appearance again, despite the fact that I should possibly think about starting some freewriting that might lead me to the short story that I'll eventually be required to write for this class anyway?

But enough of that.  Here's the prompt, and below it is my response.  And hopefully below that, in the comments, will be things I can do to make it better, or assurances that it's already better (I can write more--I haven't gone over the word limit yet--but it seemed to naturally stop where it did).

Imagine that some characters you have invented are going somewhere they've never been.  Describe what each one is carrying in his pocket, purse, briefcase, or backpack.  Let the objects be as odd and distinctive as you like.  What's he doing with that kumquat?  Why does she have a screwdriver?  Use the idems to explode stereotypes and individualize your characters.  Why is that atheist packing a Bible?  Should it be a Snickers bar or Cadbury chocolates?  A fountain pen or a golf pencil? A Zippo lighter or matches?  Write for ten minutes.

            The things she planned to carry were few.  A small loaf of bread, a hunk of cheese, a flask of water.  Some coins from her personal savings.  A spare set of clothes.  And a book, tucked into the last remaining space in her rucksack, the binding loose and the pages worn.

            The food and money and clothing Noelle would need to survive.  The book was the least necessary item.  It wouldn’t help her find room and board; it wouldn’t keep her warm at night.  But it was the only part of home she could take with her.

            She pulled the bound pages out of her bag, the once-stiff leather of the cover now soft with age and use.  Opening it up, she breathed in the musk of old paper, conjuring up images of the long years spent at her father’s press, helping him print books and leaflets, flyers and folios.  Noelle felt blocks of type, smooth and cold beneath her quick fingers, heard the stubborn creaks of the typecase drawers as she opened and closed them.   The smell of ink was everywhere—her clothes, her hair, even her skin.

            No one would care about the knowledge she carried.  Why should a young woman need to read?  At this age, those of her sex were good for maid’s work or marriage, nothing more, and in either position, knowledge would be a hindrance.  

            And yet it was the one thing that could never desert her, the one thing she could never leave behind.  Noelle might run out of food and money, her clothes might wear with age and hard travel, but she would always carry what she knew, and her pride in knowing it.

Comments

[incaseineedyou.livejournal.com]

I actually don't know why you're unhappy with it, I really really like it. At first, after reading the prompt and only the first sentence, I was planning on pointing out that everything she had with her was predictable- not in a bad way, but nothing that made me stop and think "What's she doing with that kumquat?" But after reading I realized I'd skipped over the book, which I'd passed off as an ordinary item that wouldn't tell me anything unique about her, because I assumed it was only sentimental because it would have been given to her by her father, or because her story would mirror its story, or something. But the fact that it has value simply because it's a book, and not because it's a specific book, made a big difference. Also the specific images (I love the smell of leather, and the line "The smell of ink was everywhere—her clothes, her hair, even her skin.) are really good. And the idea of her clinging to knowledge despite society's pressure not to a) makes the feminist in me smile b) makes the writer/reader in me smile, and c) reminds me of one of the first scenes in the Disney cartoon version of Beauty and the Beast (sorry, I've never actually seen any other version), when Belle is walking through the village with her books and everyone is talking about how strange she is for wanting to read. Or something like that.

Sorry this isn't more organized or lucid feedback. All in all I like it, a lot.

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad you like it! I guess it's not that I don't like it so much as I don't think it's something new and revolutionary. But I guess it doesn't have to be.

I'm really happy you liked the images, because we're supposed to use these exercises as a chance to practice "showing, not telling" and the best way to show is through imagery.

I was definitely going for the same feel you get in the Beauty and the Beast movie. I've never seen another movie version of it either -- wait, that's a lie, I just watched this weird anime-style one on YouTube that was awkward because Beauty looked like she was maybe six years old. But the Disney one takes the cake for sure.

When I write up my Freudian analysis of myself, one of the things it'll be sure to talk about is how I need to feel approval because I'm constantly insecure and how this all stems back to when I was jealous that I didn't have a penis.

Basically, thank you. You've said basically what I needed to hear.

[incaseineedyou.livejournal.com]

It doesn't have to be new and revolutionary to be good. And also the best developments of characters aren't always radical or revolutionary. The subtlety can be good, both in the facets of the characters themselves and in the delivery (or, I guess, expression- you're not acting).
I know exactly what you mean about showing as opposed to telling, and I like it. You got that down here.
I have read a lot of retellings of it various places. The one I told you about is one of my favorite because it turns it around a little. Or kinda a lot. I don't want to ruin it, but I really want to get it to you. Haha.

Hm. Well, I definitely share the need for approval. But my analysis will tell you how I hide it by rejecting penises (penii?) all together, because of my fright at their obvious dominance and superiority. Okay, I don't really reject them all together, but for the sake of Freud's theory that women only react one of three ways to their realization that they will always be lacking (literally), I will classify myself as a lesbian for this analysis.
Now we just need a woman who handles her deficiency by becoming a dominatrix of sorts and flaunting the fact that she in no way needs approval (she’s lying, of course. The only reason her husband is the weaker one is because he had no father and didn’t learn to be a man in trying to win his mother’s heart). Once we get her, we’ll have the whole set. I hear it goes for quite a bit on ebay.

I think I love us.

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

I read a Beauty and the Beast retelling in a collection called "Kissing the Witch" that Rebecca (the roommate) has. All of the stories in it are vaguely lesbian, if you want to read them that way (which is the intent). For instance, the beast turns out to be a woman, though Beauty initially assumes it's a man. It was certainly different!

I'll definitely have to read the one you keep talking about. Francesca Lia Block, right? I might have to look for a copy around here...

Your analysis already makes me laugh. We really do need a set -- if we could pull that off we could make millions on ebay! I'd only be worried about who would buy us... *awkward*

For the record, I know I love us. :)

[incaseineedyou.livejournal.com]

I think I've heard of it, and intended to buy it at one point. I think there's one where Cinderella runs away with her fairy godmother or something like that? Haha. If not, then that's a different book of vague lesbian fairytales, in which case my bad. I meant to read it, but never did. If it sounds weird that I've hear about it, I freak out when I don't understand things. Especially in relation to me. So in ninth grade when I thought I was going to hell, I looked up every book I could find and read all of them I could get my hands on. Anyway. Your roommate sounds cool.

I'll bring it to you. Or I could mail it to you, I really don't mind paying the postage, but my ex has it. Scratch that, my friend has it. That's the more important label of the two.

Highly awkward. But very very funny. We could probably get our own reality show, at the very least.

Okay fine, just out do me. Psh.

[incaseineedyou.livejournal.com]

Ha, I got one. I love that I love us.
Beat that :)