The poison tastes sweetest...

[readingredhead]

Well, I've made a decision that I probably should have made ago regarding my writing. As of today, I am taking a one-month hiatus from posting any fanfiction so that I can focus more on my original novel that's in the works. I've just realized how much I've been neglecting it for things that are less important. This is my attempt to bring it back to the center of my writing life.

And I supposed I'm also motivated by the fact that the first seven chapters are in need of a giant rewrite due to the fact that they had more holes in them than a piece of Swiss cheese. Of course, I'm a blind woman, so it took my cousin to point out the holes. Myself, I'd just been eating the cheese...

Well, not going to draw that metaphor/simile too far, but I'm going to spend more time writing, I've decided, and more time writing things that I consider important. My definition of important when in regards to writing usually involves the publishability of a piece: will this thing ever see print?

For all the junk I've gone through for this novel, it had better see print. I know that I will make it see print, because I'm stubborn like that.

I told my dad, because he asked what I'd been doing today when he got home. He understood -- I'm glad he did, but somehow I knew he would. It's so annoying that he is so wise about writing and literature and yet politely declines to read anything fantasy or sci-fi, which is basically what I write. But he gave me a good talk, using a metaphor from when he used to play tennis:

"I was really good back then, and I had to practice a lot. There were days when I'd just stand across the court from a machine that would spit a hundred balls at me before giving me a break. But in the end, when it came time to play the match, it wasn't a machine across from me -- it was another person, with all the complexities that come along with being human. And no matter how much I practiced against the machine, even when I could beat it, there was always a person who could beat me. Fanfiction is like playing against the machine. Writing a novel is like playing a real match, where points count and it's something intelligent up against you, not just some mechanical simulation of thought."

Those obviously aren't his exact words -- in fact, I think I might have fluffed them up a teeny bit, and adjusted them (like the writer in me has a tendency to) so that they create a more vivid rhythmic image. But that's the picture I got from it, and I had to write it down. I found that very encouraging, especially in light of what I'm facing. At the least, I have 30,000 words to rewrite. The original 30,000 took from September of my freshman year to August, right before I was about to enter school as a sophomore. The new 30,000 will be written in the midst of MUN summer sessions, summer reading, AP and IB classes...

It's daunting to think about. I know that I will do it, eventually...it's just disappointing to know that keeping up with academics once again means postponing my dreams, tweaking them slightly so that they "fit" the life I have to lead. Once, I was a silly, idealistic freshman who sincerely believed she could be published before she left high school. Now, I might know better, but I still mourn for the slivers of idealism that I lost along the way, and pray that I might be able to get through the rest of my life without losing too many more.

Comments

[kaitins.livejournal.com]

well, it definantly sounds like you have the passion. good luck with your writing, im sure it will all come out the way you want at the right time. just have faith about it.