The problem with falling in love

[readingredhead]

I want to go to Berkeley for grad school. Not just because in the new US News & World Report rankings they are the best English grad school in the country. Not just because, according to the same rankings, they are the 2nd best in the nation for 17th-20th century British literature, my general area of concentration. But because I love Berkeley. I love walking down Bancroft in the morning and seeing the Golden Gate Bridge arise out of a misty bay, the sunlight hitting it just right. I love the silence of Doe Library right before finals. I love the faux-Greco-Roman facade of Wheeler Hall, all columns and flourishes and pristine whiteness. I love the scattered coffee shops, the late winter rains, the late summer sunshine, the way that on a good day just walking onto campus makes me feel like part of something bigger, better, and more beautiful than any one person could be.

But I'm afraid. Because the last time I wanted something this much, I didn't get it. And although I'm glad I didn't, I can't bring myself to imagine that I'd be glad not getting this. This is not like Stanford. This is something that I've lived long enough to know that I want. And people think I'm silly for thinking about this so early but I'm just trying to do everything I can to get from where I am to where I want to be.

Comments

[eristocracy.livejournal.com]

Hey-ey, wait a minute. As a college student, you have plenty of other stuff to worry about. I would imagine that with a high GPA, gobs of motivation and enthusiasm, some profs willing to write references, and a field-related job, the only thing that would keep you out of Berkeley's grad program would be a desire to introduce you to another department.

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

:) Thank you, Luke. You always make me smile.

[aitvaras.livejournal.com]

This is Grace. I'm sooo not stalking you but I found your LJ through facebook. Anyway....

And people think I'm silly for thinking about this so early but I'm just trying to do everything I can to get from where I am to where I want to be.

THIS.

Thoughts of grad school have been weighing heavily on my mind too. That's the struggle, but I don't doubt that someone with your persistence could get in anywhere you want. :]