Grrrrrrrr.............
Jul. 5th, 2006 07:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
readingredheadSo I hate writers, again, because I want to be one so damn much.
There are so many thoughts that go through my head, all the time, constantly and consistently, but those are all that they are: ideas. It takes a helluva lot of work to turn them into stories, and I'm not sure I have that kind of patience. I mean, I get too easily bored of stuff like that.
But I think also my ambition is one of my worst enemies because it makes me feel like I should be spectacular NOW, that I can't wait until I'm grown up and have seen the world to write -- that I have to do it all NOW, because I CAN, because I WANT to, and because that's what I said I'd do, dammit! I said to myself a long time ago that I'd write a book and have it published before I was out of high school. I think it's not going to happen but every now and then I catch back onto that dream as a crazy fantasy that just might come true.
I'm young. Who knows what I'll do with my life? Except there's the thing -- I might not know what I *am* going to do with my life but I know what I *want* to do with my life. It comes in a pretty simple, one word sentence: WRITE. Write, and keep going, and never have to stop. I want to be that one author in a million who gets to write for a living. I don't know if I can do it; I don't know if I have it in me to do it. I always question myself.
But I think, someteims, that the questioning makes me stronger because it allows me to reaffirm the fact that YES, I want to write, and I'm not going to be stopped. I want to be the girl who gets into Stanford because she published a novel...and while that may not happen, I'm still *going* to publish a novel. That's how I have to think about it; any other way of looking at it makes me feel like I can't do it. But I *can* do it, I *know* I can...
...so I will. I'll talk to ya later, folks -- I've got a story to write.
There are so many thoughts that go through my head, all the time, constantly and consistently, but those are all that they are: ideas. It takes a helluva lot of work to turn them into stories, and I'm not sure I have that kind of patience. I mean, I get too easily bored of stuff like that.
But I think also my ambition is one of my worst enemies because it makes me feel like I should be spectacular NOW, that I can't wait until I'm grown up and have seen the world to write -- that I have to do it all NOW, because I CAN, because I WANT to, and because that's what I said I'd do, dammit! I said to myself a long time ago that I'd write a book and have it published before I was out of high school. I think it's not going to happen but every now and then I catch back onto that dream as a crazy fantasy that just might come true.
I'm young. Who knows what I'll do with my life? Except there's the thing -- I might not know what I *am* going to do with my life but I know what I *want* to do with my life. It comes in a pretty simple, one word sentence: WRITE. Write, and keep going, and never have to stop. I want to be that one author in a million who gets to write for a living. I don't know if I can do it; I don't know if I have it in me to do it. I always question myself.
But I think, someteims, that the questioning makes me stronger because it allows me to reaffirm the fact that YES, I want to write, and I'm not going to be stopped. I want to be the girl who gets into Stanford because she published a novel...and while that may not happen, I'm still *going* to publish a novel. That's how I have to think about it; any other way of looking at it makes me feel like I can't do it. But I *can* do it, I *know* I can...
...so I will. I'll talk to ya later, folks -- I've got a story to write.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-06 03:56 pm (UTC)Keep on going, dear! You will make it!
(no subject)
Date: 2006-07-06 07:25 pm (UTC)