(no subject)

[readingredhead]

I'm really not in the mood to do things.

Part of me things this is okay. I did things earlier today -- I basically finished my senior thesis; I got started on the IB Chem lab. I even did terms for MUN because we apparently have a test on Wednesday. I have a math quiz tomorrow which shouldn't be too bad, even though I haven't studied. I haven't done the English homework for Krucli yet.

Information permitting, I'm going to do my internal assessment for Spanish on Cuban science fiction. It's really crazy, actually; I just found some information on it that's very wow. And it's something I'd actually be interested in working with, almost.

However, I did manage to forget what hydrogen peroxide decomposed into. For some reason I thought it was oxygen and hydrogen, instead of oxygen and water. Heh. Wow. Not having the best of days!

My problem is that I go through periods of intense motivation followed by periods of intense malaise. I'm in one of those right now -- all I want to do is go to sleep. I can't, because there are still so many things for me to do. Well, not really "so many," but enough to keep me up.

I hate it that I have less work than I used to but I feel just as busy and even more annoyed, because when I actually had work it was enough to provide me with the motivation to do it. Now I have to find my own motivation for unexciting things, like the history paper and a chem presentation on school safety (I'm still working out how to do that one).

My life never moves at the speed I want it too. It's either too fast, so that I lose my breath trying to keep caught up, or too slow, so that I get bored and apathetic. I don't know which is worse.

I've got a piece of paper on my whiteboard that's been there since some time junior year. It's got a quote one it: "Better to burn out than to fade away." I say this...but some days I don't know. I'd like to go out with a bang...but sometimes it seems like the best anyone can do is a whimper.

Comments

[bluephoenix8807.livejournal.com]

My problem is that I go through periods of intense motivation followed by periods of intense malaise.

Ain't that the truth for all of us.

By the way, probably the person most associated with that quote is Kurt Cobain - you know, the guy from Nirvana (who wrote that on his suicide note)? Well, I'm sure you don't need to be told this, but don't do anything too drastic like that in case you decide to burn out!

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Richard. I actually didn't know that was associated with Kurt Cobain at all! And don't worry; I may be annoyed with myself, but suicide has always seemed stupid.