in Life's name and for Life's sake

All things considered, life is going well.

I only have three more classes before finals. Only one of those is an actual lecture. One is my last decal workshop, and the last one involves going down to my printing professor's studio to bind books and hang out and generally party with my fellow printing classmates. So not a bad deal, all things considered. I literally have four things due before the end of the semester (finals not included): three critiques for my decal due Monday, and my final Milton paper due Thursday.

Ah, the Milton paper. Where to begin? It captivated me when I should have been writing my paper for the Romantics. I began working on it and thinking through its terms at least a month ago. It helps that I almost obsessively attend Professor Picciotto's office hours, because I love talking with her about literature. So anyway, I knew what I was writing about for this paper long before I knew what I was writing about for my Romantics paper (which was of course due this Monday, and which was not nearly as pleasant as the Milton paper is being).

I had to struggle to make the Romantics paper long enough while still maintaining coherence. The Milton paper is the exact opposite. When I finally sat down and compiled all my notes and analyses, just writing, I ended up with a 16-page handwritten first draft. This translated to about 13 double-spaced pages in MLA format. The essay was supposed to be 6-8 pages long. But when I talked to Picciotto in office hours today -- for what I cannot believe was the last time until after I get back from the UK! -- and she told me that she doesn't want me to butcher this, she'd rather read a 15-page paper that covers all my points than an 8-page paper that cramps my observations. Am I crazy for being excited that I'm allowed to write a longer paper? I don't care. Seriously, hearing from her that I just have to keep it to 15 pages made my life a whole lot easier.

Since early on in the process of working over this topic with her, she's been suggesting that this is thesis material. Now, in the process of actually writing out everything that was in my head, I suspect she may be right. I keep finding more and more things I can say, more and more ways to expand into different passages in Paradise Lost, or into Milton's other works, or into new avenues of criticism. I have a suspicion that this Milton thesis might actually get written -- the inducement of working closely with Picciotto on an intellectual process is pretty strong.

The problem with this is the small voice in my head that wonders why in the world I'd write a thesis on Milton if he's not who I want to study in grad school. But then that same small voice admits that Milton's fun to work with, and although I'd get sick of no strong female characters and the inability to read novelistically after a while, in concentrated bursts there are things MUCH worse than Milton. And Milton and the Romantics are so integrally connected that maybe it isn't entire nonsense to write about Milton's poetry even if I decide that what I really want to focus on is romanticism and the novel.

(The craziest voice in my head thinks that I should write TWO theses -- this Milton one as an independent study with Picciotto during my first semester, along with one on the Romantics during the traditional English honors year-long course. You can understand why I have called this voice in my head the craziest one. I am endeavoring to ignore it for the sake of my personal health and sanity but it does not desire to be resisted.)

But anyways, in the aspects of my life which are not Milton, everything else is going well. I saw Star Trek last night with Natasha and her people and it was AWESOME. Seriously. How did I not understand the awesomeness that is Star Trek before this? But as a result of this I did not go to sleep last night until something around the order of 2am, and woke up (like usual) at about 8am...six hours of sleep is probably NOT the best plan. I'm just at that point of tiredness now where I don't want to do even the meager homework that I ought to do; I just want to lounge around for a little while more before sleeping. I figure I deserve it. I wrote more of my paper today, had my last day as an Office of Letters and Light intern until after I get back from the UK (*tears up*) and finished editing my notes on Romanticism. All in all, pretty good stuff.

Guys, I'm happy. I know what I want to do with my life, and the people that matter all believe that I'm going to get there. My cheek muscles hurt with smiling. Life is just so worth it.

"Xylene exhibits neurological effects. High levels from exposure for acute (14 days or less) or chronic periods (more than 1 year) can cause headaches, lack of muscle coordination, dizziness, confusion, and changes in one's sense of balance. Exposure of people to high levels of xylene for short periods can also cause irritation of the skin, eyes, nose, and throat, difficulty in breathing and other problems with the lungs, delayed reaction time, memory difficulties, stomach discomfort, and possibly adverse effects on the liver and kidneys. It can cause unconsciousness and even death at very high levels (see inhalants). Xylene or products containing Xylene should not be used indoors or around food." --Wikipedia

And this is the stuff euphemistically called "type wash," which we use in printing to get ink off of type. In a very definitely indoor room, and with no windows open (in fact, while the room has beautiful windows that let in much-needed light, they are cemented shut--why this would happen is anyone's guess). And now my throat hurts! And frankly I'm a little scared.

(Also -- its flashpoint is a little over 70 degrees Fahrenheit! That's something actually achievable in a non-air conditioned room during the summer! Seriously!)

EDIT: And now my astro professor has just contradicted my GSI and informed me that we have two problem sets due on Thursday, instead of just the one that the GSI said would be due.

I HATE THIS CLASS! I don't know how they're allowed to continue with such terrible communication between GSIs and the professor. The GSIs don't know what they're doing. My GSI frequently states that he disagrees with the wording of a problem on homework or a test, but has no power to change them or even to give us more points for partial credit, because all our homework is graded by a single grader, whose identity has never been made known and with whom students in the class can have no contact! I have literally gone to the GSI for help, had him tell me I had the right answer, only to get marked down on the homework.

Today, I went to the prof for homework help (back when I only thought that I had one problem set due in two days), and mentioned that I was having trouble getting a question. His response was, "Well, that's a hard one. There's no shame in leaving it blank."

This is a 10-point problem on a 30-point homework assignment!!

And what bugs me the most about this is that it's astronomy--it's fascinating! I'm learning things, but not enough of them, and only by reading the textbook. I want to like this class! And there's no possible way for me to do that.

I'd scream, but my throat would hurt.

1. Finish a second draft of The Printer’s Daughter (and find a better title!)
2. Finish Gil and Leah (NaNoWriMo 2008)
3. Continue the rejection collection (i.e. send more manuscripts to publishers)
4. Visit two new countries
5. Visit five new cities
6. Learn from a big mistake
7. Do my part in the fight for marriage equality
8. Hand-print a book
9. Participate in an active non-curricular writers’ group
10. Work for a publishing company
11. Dance in the streets
12. Create more beauty
13. Do something big without asking for permission or directions