College Decision

[readingredhead]

I'm going to Berkeley. I sent in my Statement of Intent to Register yesterday. I tried to send out e-mails to all of you to let you know I'm all right, and what I've decided, but I'm realizing I don't have all your addresses so I figured I'd post up here, too.

Yesterday sucked, as far as days go, but everything's over and there's no turning back now. I don't think I need condolences or congratulations any more. At least I can talk about it without feeling like crying.

Last night the thought that kept going through my head was, "I worked my ass off for this?" But this morning, it's easier to realize the answer is "Yes, sort of." Because if I hadn't worked this hard, I don't know if I would have even gotten this far. It's one of those cases, I think, where setting high expectations might be more painful, but ultimately it allows for more personal growth. At least, this is what I tell myself.

So really guys, I'm okay.  I hope you all are, too.

Comments

[fallenrose24.livejournal.com]

That's a wonderful way of looking at it, Candace, and it really helps me just to read it and soak it in as well. I know I wrote something very similar to this the night I got rejected from my first choice, but that was a mistake. I didn't give myself a chance to feel honestly about it until the day after and it hit me harder. We all need our day to cope with dissapointment to the point where we can put it behind us.

You're exactly right. We've worked our asses off for 4 years to get to this point. It will still hurt, but it is something we can put behind us and learn from. I think after a while, I'll truly believe in that instead of just saying it.

So, since you said you don't need a congratulations about college, I'll say this:

Congratulations, Candace, for handling this so well and for making it this far.

[i-wear-wellies.livejournal.com]

Ya know, it's ok to have worked yourself crazy, because it means you tried. And ultimately, you'll benefit from that. But at the same time, it's ok to be upset. I'd be more worried if you weren't. Just remember, though things may not always work out the way we planned, they always work out the way God's planned, and He's got great things in store for you.

[incaseineedyou.livejournal.com]

I really respect you for being able to look at it that way, and for not clinging to one of the extremes (I don't care, it doesn't matter vs. I give up, I'm not going to college).

When I got rejected I didn't post anything because I didn't trust myself to react as well as you have. Plus, I was at Kim's house, and was refusing to react at all because it was embarassing for me to have read the letter in front of someone.

What you said about personal growth is very true, but it's one of those truths that you already knew and don't really have (or sometimes want) to be told. Like if you are left by someone you love, and everyone tells you that eventually it will be okay. It's something that you know, because it makes sense, but it is very long-term and doesn't do that much to help you feel better right then. And sometimes you don't want to feel better right then (...or so I've read, I mean. *coughs*).

Maybe I shouldn't have written that much; this feels kind of personal to you, even though I understand exactly what you are saying. All I really meant to say was that I'm glad you are all right.

[pentaverse.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're OK. I'm OK too.

[bluephoenix8807.livejournal.com]

Good to hear that you're okay. I...sometimes am.

[cucumber-eyes89.livejournal.com]

Candace, you silly girl-

You don't know where this maze of life will take you. Take the oppurtunity. Berkley, as horrid as this sounds to you now, is a good school. You will have a lot of bloomabilities there.
I know it's hard now, but, silly child, you're going to burn yourself out with worrying about what will come naturally. You'll be wonderful, shining like the star in the heavens that you are.

Love you.

~Steph