Damn this shit.

[readingredhead]

So in an act of personal stupidity I have deleted all the pictures I took while I was here.

Every damn one.

Why the hell do I do stupid things like that? I saw that the menu on the camera said "delete all" right below where it said "delete this," I thought of how terrible it would be if I accidentally hit the wrong one. But I never thought I'd do it. I'd just been going through all of the pictures I'd taken -- Matt reading aloud his poetry, the room where the Stegner Fellows do their workshopping, black squirrels (unique to the Stanford campus), all of our face-painting tie-dyeing escapades, Paula and Katherine and Luke -- and Katherine's left now so I can't get a picture of her again, and I don't know if she took any with herself in them -- pictures of the common room, the map before it got all screwed up...

I was just so happy about leaving, going home, but still having memories of what was yet to come. But now...now it's like all of my memories are gone, along with the pictures.

I've deleted things before and never gotten them back, but this is worse. I can rewrite something. I can't relive a moment.

So maybe that's what I'll have to do -- since I can't relive these moments, I'll have to rewrite them. When I get back here tonight, maybe that's what I'll do: try to remember all the pictures, and write them instead of having them as images. I think it's all I have to do, now -- that, and take more pictures. I've got to just move on.

Comments

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the hugs, I think I'm over the annoyance/depression now, my friends helped. So I've basically been taking your advice (before you even gave it!) and taking a bunch more pics. And then I was just going to start recording some of the "pictures" in writing.