in Life's name and for Life's sake

I told myself that I wouldn't get caught up in the hype about Twilight. I told myself that I might still be a teenage girl, but even I had better sense than that. I told myself a lot of things, really. And the most confusing part is that now, having read the three books in the Twilight Saga that have been published so far, I'm not sure whether I've listened to myself or not.

I can't say the books wowed me. On the originality scale, they were better than Eragon, though so is 98% of all written material. The writing was decent, even actually good in some parts, but nothing like the imagery of Diane Duane or the powerful voice of Jim Butcher came through. I'd say that in all likelihood, she and I have about the same writing proficiency (which alternately depresses me and provides me with some hope -- because if her writing is that normal and she can get such a big hype going, then surely I have a chance, but I wish I could do better).

The books didn't wow me. But they did something to me. And so here I am writing about it to figure it out, in a few points on which I have had far too many thoughts.

( If you have actually read the books, or if you just want to be spoiled and potentially entertained by my musings, click here. )

And now for a completely unrelated but really interesting-looking survey.

( Three Things )

Every time I see the musical Wicked, I come away inspired in so many different directions that I don't know what to do with it. Actually, any time I see any musical, or play, or finish a good book, or experience any work of art worth my time, I come away with that feeling -- that need to do something, after having sat and watched or read for so long. I need action now, I demand it from myself.

But the clock is once again my enemy. It's too late -- and besides, there's always a morning.

But what if there isn't? That's the question Wicked has me asking today. Why should I worry about the morning? It'll be there when it comes. But in the meantime, why not let my passions be expressed? If there's one thing I learned from Elphaba tonight (and yes, I will continue to treat fictional characters as real people for as long as they continue to be real people), it's that what I admire most about her is that she is unafraid to show her passions to the world.

Sometimes I'm afraid that I come across as insincere -- that the way I express my passions seems like a simple seeming, rather than my being. It isn't, but I hate that it seems that way. Because if other people could only know one thing about me, I'd want it to be that I latch onto things I have a passion for and follow through with them, despite any opposition and at all costs. I want to be known as the person not afraid to feel.

For some reason, the song "As Long As You're Mine" really hit home today. I don't know why, but the attitude of the song just feels like something I'd like to embrace. I just want a chance to let go, for once -- a reason, an excuse, almost a pretense for being myself.

Why do I feel like I need one?

Why does it take a musical about a green girl to tell me this about myself? I understand the power of art, but I am constantly re-amazed by it.

Elphaba asks Fiyero, "Do you think I want to be this way? Do you think I want to care this much? Don’t you know how much easier my life would be if I didn’t?" It's a thought I've had often -- how easy would it be to take the other road? What would it be worth? What would it feel like to leave school at lunchtime, to go out on weekdays, to graduate in a red robe with an average GPA and attend a decent college, to get a moderately high-paying job and settle down and have a family and live the rest of my life being unobtrusive.

What would it feel like to be normal?

But then I remember that I'm different, and it's something I can take pride in, and I realize that I really don't want the answer to those questions I always ask. I don't need to know what life would have been like had I chosen another path. I didn't. I picked this one. I'm still not so sure what that entails, but I know that part of it involves following through. I know that this is the only life that makes me feel so alive (if that makes any sense whatsoever). It's who and why I am, rolled into one.

I thought a lot today, about completely unrelated things -- but then again, I don't think any two things are completely unrelated. I spent time with friends, and remembered their intense worth. And when it came to "For Good," I cried to think that "we may never meet again in this lifetime," but also to realize that so many of these people I know have changed me. I am not myself -- no man is an island. The interconnectedness of humanity really struck me today: how much each person matters to someone else, potentially lots of someones. And also it struck me how great a legacy of ourselves we leave in others without ever knowing it. It's something of which I wish I could be more aware.

Now I think I'm rambling, and my left wrist and right calf hurt (hopefully for different reasons), but I just felt like I needed to say something. After a day like this, I just couldn't be silent. I feel (still) like I need to sing.

So maybe I will, in my dreams.

A Whole New Deal
Sung (rather creatively) to the tune of "A Whole New World" from Aladdin

Verse 1:

FDR made the world
better after the crash.
FERA quickly gave cash so counties could increase demand.
PWA gave jobs,
but its functions gave way
to the WPA which made more jobs as had been planned.

A whole New Deal:
Sixteen new agencies to see
Like the FLSA
increased workers' pay
and kept kids out of every factory...

Verse 2:

The CCC came next,
sending boys to the country,
planting more than just one tree, they built parks and bridges, too.
The NYA also helped
by giving jobs part-time,
keeping students from crime, so graduation rates grew.

A whole New Deal --
agencies like the IRA
repealed the Dawes Act,
gave Indians their culture back,
and even let the Indians have a say...

Verse 3:

Farmers loved FDR
for the Ag Adjustment Act.
The government made a pact to pay some farmers not to farm.
The FCA was big, too,
Giving farmers loans cheap.
REA took a leap, electrifying withut harm.

A whole New Deal
made lots of homeowners happy.
They got cheap loans as well,
and that was swell,
all thanks to the HOLC...

Verse 4:

FDIC ensured
deposit safety in banks.
Businessmen all gave thanks when NLRB made strikes cease.
PUHA set precedent,
watching utilities closely.
The radical TVA mostly made employment and power increase.

A whole New Deal!
Last but not least, the SEC
helped police Wall Street --
no mean feat --
and kept the market safe for you and me.

!~*FDR*~!~*FDR*~!~*FDR*~!~*FDR*~!~*FDR*~!~*FDR*~!~*FDR*~!~*FDR*~!~*FDR*~!

FDR = Franklin Delano Roosevelt

FERA (sung as "FEE-ruh") = Federal Emergency Relief Administration

PWA = Public Works Administration

WPA = Works Progress Administration

FLSA = Fair Labor Standards Act

CCC = Civilian Conservation Corps

NYA = National Youth Authority

IRA = Indian Reorganization Act

AAA = Agricultural Adjustment Act

FCA = Farm Credit Administration

REA = Rural Electrification Administration

HOLC = Home Owners' Loan Corporation

FDIC = Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation

NLRB = National Labor Relations Board

PUHA (sung as "POO-huh") = Public Utilities Holding Act

TVA = Tenessee Valley Authority

SEC = Securities and Exchange Commission