Burning Bright

[readingredhead]

I'm done with my senior thesis.

It's so weird, honestly. Because I'm not really done -- I believe in the idea that works of writing are never finished, only abandoned. But it's time for me to abandon this, and I'm ready. It's not a bad feeling, though it's different; if anything, it's a good one.

I didn't get to work too closely with Mr. Krucli on it, but I really appreciated his support throughout. He gave me the ideas and direction I needed. And (whether or not this was intentional on his part), his being my advisor has probably caused me to produce a much better paper than I would have otherwise, because I have taken this paper as a way to win his respect. If I'd had Mrs. McClure as my advisor, I don't think I would have worked at it so hard. I wouldn't have felt that same need to impress my reader. But I've wanted Mr. Krucli's respect, and to an extent I believe I have it. That makes me feel much better about myself than the simple fact that this paper is done.

I still have so many things to do today, and tomorrow. The world never stops. But sometimes, in the midst of the running around like headless chickens, good things happen. Writing this senior thesis and getting to talk it over with Mr. Krucli hasn't been torture. It hasn't even been difficult. It's been challenging, but it's also been exciting. I wouldn't mind writing critical approaches to literature. I actually enjoyed this, which is a very good thing.

Comments

[fallenrose24.livejournal.com]

I know how you feel, though not in terms of the senior thesis considering I don't have any respect for Mr. Trevino nor care to have his XD. Wanting the respect of Mrs. Faridpak has been a huge motivation for me in chemistry since I met her. It's one of the reasons I felt so proud of that A- in AP Chem and it's also one of the reasons I feel so bad when I don't do very well on a test or don't understand a concept.

All I have to say about that is if she didn't respect me before, she better now seeing as how today I ended up skinning part of my finger on a lab desk, was bleeding, and still managed to grade all those chem tests. XDDDDDD

I'm sure you have Mr. Krucli's respect. Someone with as much passion about writing as you have cannot go without respect, especially in the eyes of an English teacher.

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

:D thanks. Now stop bleeding over the chem stuff. Though I hear blood reacts in an interesting way with hydrogen peroxide? Definitely not wanting to study for that test, so I'm going over the dictators instead...

[fallenrose24.livejournal.com]

XDD Yes, of course it does. Think about when you pour hydrogen peroxide on a wound. It's actually an enzyme in your blood, catalase, that causes the hydrogen peroxide to decompose. So all those lovely bubbles are really pure oxygen gas. I love chemistry XDDD tis why I'm studying that instead of the dicators.

[i-wear-wellies.livejournal.com]

Congrats! I think we're just more prone to notice the good stuff when things are a bit crazy.

Random thought: my uncle got chased around the yard by a headless chicken once... yeah, I grew up with good stories =P

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

I think I remember hearing of the headless chicken incident. Stories like that are worth telling.

[pentaverse.livejournal.com]

There are only a couple teachers whose respect I would like to think I have, as in your case. But I can't bring myself to go beyond for them. I hate to let them down, but... y'know, there just seems to be no motivation for me. (Hope I haven't disappointed you in that respect)

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Not disappointed. You are who you are, and if you're okay with not having motivation then I'm okay with you not having motivation. Not that you're completely unmotivated, but in the context of the discussion...you know what I mean?

The only thing I hate is unmotivated people who hate themselves for being unmotivated by don't try to *do* anything about it, except for complaining. That is slightly disappointing.

Am I making sense? I hope so?

[pentaverse.livejournal.com]

I get what you mean, for sure.

Funny thing I've been learning the hard way about motivation: when people push me, I push back. If you push me, you only get mad, not results. I won't say I only do things for me, but I only do things for my reasons. Who knows what those are?

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

It makes more sense than what a lot of other people do. They spend their whole childhood and adolesence following someone else's dream and then they wind up in college and half of them look around and think, "how the hell did I get here and what am I gonna do next?" The only thing sadder is that the other half go through their whole lives without ever realizing that who they are is not themselves.

[pentaverse.livejournal.com]

I had some seemingly-meaningful thoughts on "the other half go through their whole lives without ever realizing that who they are is not themselves." They decomposed when exposed to light. I don't know what their thing is or even if there is a "them." Too many to generalise about.

I'm perfectly OK with the thought I'll end up in rural Oregon growing my own food-- or the academic equivalent of that. Which is to say I could have fun being the most absentminded teacherly dude ever.

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

In my experience, thoughts do not appreciate light. I am sure they would have seemed meaningful to me, too.

And there is nothing wrong with being absentminded teacherly dude. Nothing at all.

[marang.livejournal.com]

Interesting thoughts on the senior thesis (especially since Mr. McClure was my advisor). ...I ended up working to win his respect for YA fiction, not my writing. I think it partially worked. :)

[readingredhead.livejournal.com]

Good job on you! I know I write so much about sci-fi (and so much that is sff) because at one point my father used to disdain the combined genres as useless and incapable of producing anything literary. I've grudgingly worked my way through the years to earn his respect for things other than straight-up fiction. When arguing the worth of something, it helps to have someone specific you're arguing at -- it focuses your intentions, and probably you learn something from it on the way.